Many times when you’re in a long-term relationship, particularly one that’s unhealthy, it’s easy to lose touch with who you are and the things you’re good at and enjoy. Unfortunately, I know this very well from personal experience. You can become so focused on your partner that you end up neglecting your own needs. The relationship addresses your basic need to feel valued, safe, and secure.
So if that relationship suddenly ends, it can feel like you no longer have value or that you are completely alone.
The truth is that you already have value. To help you instill this belief and build trust, try these steps. Remember, if you want to attract a healthy relationship in the future, you must first learn to value yourself!
1. It is essential that you allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. In the process, you may even find that it’s not your ex you miss as much as the security the relationship seemed to provide. Give yourself permission to really wallow and experience the loss for as long as you can bear it. I personally recommend Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream and romantic movies, preferably at the same time!
2. When you feel ready, get up (literally if you have to), dust yourself off, and get curious about what really matters most to you in life. I recommend reading The Passion Test by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood to identify your top five passions and learn how to keep them front and center in your everyday life. The authors invite you to describe what your ideal life would be like and what you would be doing.
3. By exploring your passions, you are likely to discover your most important values. These may include integrity, commitment, respect for self and others, connection, community, compassion, making a difference, excellence, honesty, or safety, to name a few.
4. Discover your natural strengths and talents. Start by recalling an activity you enjoyed as a child so much that you could do it for hours without noticing the passage of time. Keep looking and trying new activities and adventures. I also recommend purchasing and reading Tom Rath’s book StrengthsFinder 2.0. This book will give you the opportunity to complete a detailed online assessment to discover his top five talents and specific actions you can take to help him tap into his natural talents.
T. Harv Eker, CEO and President of Peak Potentials Training, sums it up best in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind when he writes:
Each of us has something special to offer the world. Each of us has our own natural gifts and talents. To be truly happy, we must use our own uniqueness to add value to the lives of others.
Best of luck on your unique and exciting journey! Please feel free to share this article with someone you think would find it useful.