Have you ever seen a friend or neighbor distraught over the death of a pet? If you’ve never had a pet or considered getting one, were you surprised to see someone crying? Actually, that response is as normal as when a close friend or loved one dies.
Here’s what to know about helping someone who is grieving the death of a pet, as there is a lot of grief involved that can last for long periods of time.
1. As with the death of a friend or relative (and most animals are considered part of the family), grievances are to be expected due to the degree of emotional investment in the object of loss. Emotional investment means care and concern; it is love in depth. Only the mourner knows the depth of that investment. Sometimes the grief of pets is more intense than the grief associated with the death of a loved one.
2. Give permission to show emotion for something you say or do. Hug the person and say, “This must be really hurting” or “I’m so sorry to hear that.” Use the pet’s name when you can. Acknowledge how close the relationship between the pet and the bereaved was, and encourage them to talk about the illness or what led to the death.
3. Offer to be helpful in some way. Bring food home, if applicable. Go with the owner to the pet cemetery. Provide transportation. Simply showing that you are aware of the impact of death will be of great help to your friend.
4. Review the relationship the person had with the pet in a kind and loving way. Ask questions about how long the pet was in the family and where it came from. Encourage storytelling involving what the pet did or did not do. All of this will give you a better idea of what the loss means to the person.
5. Grieving the death of a loved animal is as individual as grieving the death of a family member. There will be a wide range of differences, some demonstrative others very reserved. Don’t judge the depth of the grievance by outward appearances. Respect all expressions of grievance. Some people will hide their grievance for fear that others will ridicule their behavior. Be sure to include children in learning about grief and death through the death of the pet.
6. Be aware that, especially with older adults living alone, some companion animals may be the only family the person has. Thus, the animal is one of the few or perhaps the only one from whom the mourner received unconditional love.
7. If other losses have preceded the death of a pet, it can make the pet’s death more difficult to deal with. For example, if a pet owner has had to stop driving, has had a debilitating illness, had friends move, or experienced the death of a loved one, these or other losses can easily result in grief overload. . The bereaved will especially need an understanding and loving community at this time of transition.
8. Guilt, anger or depression can also be associated with the loss of a pet. Guilt is the most common reaction, especially if the owner had to euthanize the pet, was not present when the pet died, or did not recognize the disease until the later stages.
9. Help create or suggest a memorial. A picture, toy, or collar can be used as a way to honor or remember the pet. An object belonging to the animal can be encased in Lucite or placed on a shelf that can be easily seen.
Pets no longer play a key role in homes across the country. Rather, they have come to play the role of partner, supporter, and old friend. Consequently, the death of a pet can become a very grieving experience for young and old alike. Be sensitive to the role the animal played in the life of the family and you will be better equipped to provide ongoing support and appropriate memories that will be helpful in the months to come.