Sometimes I get emails from wives asking me to translate what their husbands really mean when they say outright or “blurt out” comments like, “I don’t love you the way I used to” or “I don’t love you.” I love you as much as I did in the beginning. “

Of course, upturned comments like these can cause a lot of anxiety and confusion. Are you saying you don’t want to get married anymore? Does he no longer find you attractive? Has the spark gone and will it come back or can it come back? Or is he just projecting his disappointments in life or his stress level onto you because, frankly, who loves his spouse in exactly the same way that he did when they first dated? Anyway, this is an unrealistic expectation, right? I will address these concerns in the next article.

What a husband usually means when he says he doesn’t love you the same way he ever loves you: Of course, hearing these words or implications can be a severe blow that grabs your immediate attention. Nobody wants to be told that they are being compared to days gone by and that they are falling short. I do not mean to diminish this. But I can tell you what husbands who find my blog tell me. They often say that his wife is scattered in a million different places and that he no longer has time for them. She is stressed. She is distracted. She is on the verge of anger all the time. She treats him like he’s one of her kids or a chore on her list instead of the husband she should want and love.

Please understand that I am not advocating the accuracy of these perceptions. I know as well as you that they are probably not 100% accurate. But I am sharing this with you because I want you to have an idea of ​​what you are facing. And I want you to know that it is very likely that it is not the feelings of love and affection that have changed. Chances are, it’s your perceptions of your relationship (and your place in it) that have become something you really don’t like that much.

So where does this leave you? Hopefully, with the knowledge that you are probably not going uphill as much as you think. It’s probably not that you’re undesirable or that he no longer finds you attractive. In fact, men often measure how they feel about the women in their lives by how women make them feel about themselves. Think about it. When a man is “in love” it is usually because a woman has placed him at the center of her world, thinks he is the only one for her, and places his happiness at the top of her priority list. It makes her feel special, loved and unique. In turn, he feels that he is worth something, that he is capable of provoking all these responses in you, so he must be doing something right. This makes him feel as unique, as special and as attractive as you feel when you are experiencing the same thing.

But right now, the level of attention and intimacy is lower. So your perception of how you feel is reflected in this and is also diminished. It’s the natural order of things, but it can be fixed and it doesn’t mean that he can’t or can’t love you the way he did, it just means that he’s no longer getting the reward or the answers. that you once received because the level of care and the give and take have changed.

Changing your perceptions about your lack of feelings: First of all, you should look at the advantages that you have. I know you may not feel like you are in a favorable position right now, but actually you are. At least your husband is still trying to communicate with you and still honestly appreciates. Many wives do not even understand this and are only informed about this matter of the breakup of love after the husband is already considering divorce. So, you have that advantage. Next, you likely have a very deep understanding of what your husband values, what makes him respond strongly, and the behaviors to avoid. Feel free to use this.

I have already defined what I think is almost always at the center of a husband who believes that his feelings for you (neglect and lack of intimacy) have changed, so your first business course should be to address those things. You don’t need to tell him what you’re going to do. It’s more effective to just show it to him anyway. Start really getting an objective view of your marriage and honestly process what you see. Shift your focus and priorities so that your marriage and your husband jump to the top of your list.

This alone will usually cause at least some reaction. However, you shouldn’t go so far as to get to a place where it seems hopeless or not genuine. Men generally don’t like to feel part of your gaming schedule, so make sure your actions come from a genuine source and that you really want to take the actions that you decide to take.

And don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your husband. Don’t repeatedly ask her if she has changed her mind or how she is feeling now. When you start to be successful with this, you will know it because it will begin to have more contact and intimacy. In general, you can literally feel the change in attitude so much that you won’t have to wonder where his head and heart are. You already know how he acts when he’s feeling loving and happy, so don’t bother him by trying to pin him down.

Let things follow a natural progression. Just focus on doing fun and fun things together that allow you to reconnect, anticipate more, and rediscover what you loved about each other in the first place. Many women will fear that because they are no longer young, slim, and flashy, their husbands will never feel the same about them. This is simply not true. Men respond more to attention, affection, appreciation, and understanding than anything else. They often tell me that they would rather have an average looking wife who values ​​them and makes them a priority than one who is incredibly beautiful but ignores them or who never does long. Your enthusiasm, your ability to make you feel good about yourself, and your ability to make you feel appreciated and understood will probably go a lot further than you think.