The Christmas frenzy is over, and the Graceful Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly are sitting in the back inspecting our Christmas spoils. Just a few days ago, the house was ablaze with Christmas lights and the rafters echoed with Christmas delight. Now, to my delight, tranquility is tiptoeing through our house.
Why does something as wonderful as Christmas take so long to prepare and go by so quickly? As it stands today, there are only 360 more days until next Christmas. I don’t think I have enough time to prepare to do all this again.
However, the countdown begins. On the rare chance that something can be done, I propose that we celebrate Christmas every even year for as many odd years in my life.
Inspecting my Christmas swag, various thoughts, like sweet plums, dance in my head. The main thought is simply, what am I going to do with all these gifts? I have enough gifts for the rest of my life if I live to be 100 years old. Of course, if I live to be 110, I may need another gift.
My gifts vary in several categories.
In the first category, there are aftershaves, colognes, and deodorants. Obviously, those who know me best think I suck. The first thing that comes to mind when they think of me is the Bible verse, “it already sucks” (John 11:39). At least they are biblical.
I just wish everyone knew that on Saturday night, as regularly as clockwork, I shower whether I need to or not. I would give you that I need it more than not. The best time to sniff me is Sunday morning, fresh out of my Saturday night shower and having sprayed myself with my Christmas cologne. Other than that, I make no guarantees.
I’m tempted, for some family function, to spray myself with every brand of aftershave and cologne I’ve received as a Christmas present. Maybe someone will get the hint that I have enough.
The second category of Christmas gifts is clothing. This covers a large area… I’m a big man. Two sizes are associated with the Christmas clothes I receive each year. Either they are too small or too big. None of my relatives know me that well.
The only clothes that fit me are ties, and I have enough ties to have a nice tie party. I have a candidate in mind, actually several candidates.
When it comes to Christmas gifts, there are only two types that I really accept each year. Gifts I like and gifts from people I like. As a general rule, I don’t accept gifts from people I don’t like.
To date, I have not had occasion to refuse such a gift from such a person. But I still have my beginning, if not the interest of him.
All of this brings me to my current dilemma. What can I do with all these Christmas gifts, especially the ones I can’t use? What is the best thing to do, re-gift or return these Christmas gifts?
I like the idea of returning gifts that I can’t use or use in exchange for something that I can use or use. It’s a simple matter of going back to the mall and negotiating the trade.
Of course, before I can negotiate the trade, I have to wage war on millions of people who want to do the same. While it’s nice to know you’re on the same page as other people, I just wish I was reading another book.
If you think the mall is a dangerous place before Christmas, try going there the day after Christmas.
It never fails, by the time I’ve waited in line for my turn to make the trade; They no longer have my size and they give me a rain check. I really hate when it rains on my parade.
Then there is the idea of gifting again. I like this idea more and more. So when I unwrap my presents, I’m very careful not to tear the wrapping paper. This way, I not only have next year’s Christmas present, but I also have the wrapping paper to go with it.
The first Christmas I thought of this was a high watermark day in my life. I was proud of myself that I could kill several birds with one stone. Without knowing it, the biggest bird I killed was myself.
This did not manifest itself until the following Christmas when, not thinking properly, I gave people the gift they gave me the previous Christmas. Believe me; I had a lot of “explaining” to do.
No one tells you this about Christmas in those etiquette books, but if you’re going to give a Christmas present again, make sure you remember who gave it to you in the first place.
It is difficult trying to find the perfect gift since only one person has mastered the delicacy of it. The Bible says: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, in whom there is no change, nor shadow of change.” James 1:17).
The gift that God gives is one that you will not have to return.