Sometimes I hear from people who are pleasantly surprised at how their martial separation is shaping up. Many had prepared for the worst and feared that the separation would lead to a divorce. So the fact that things have improved can be a great relief. But it can also leave you with more questions than answers.

I heard a wife say, “I fought tooth and nail with my husband to get a separation. I was so afraid to let him move out. But he insisted and said he could choose between a separation or a divorce. So I really didn’t have Another option. I suspected that things were going to get worse between us because of my fear and resentment. But, to my surprise, things have improved. In fact, we have improved a lot since he moved in. He seems to be eager to see me and appreciates me more. Our relationship has gotten really fun and we’re flirting like a storm. But I’m left wondering how I should proceed. I’m delighted that we connect again, but obviously we can’t go on like this forever. In time, you’ll have to go back to home and I’m afraid that once I do, things will go back to the way they were before and that our boring and damaged marriage will return. What is the best way to proceed when your marriage is really better since They have separated? “

People often assume that a separation is only the first step on the road to divorce, but this is certainly not the case. Many people actually see an improvement in their relationship and some of those couples even end up saving their marriage. But, if you are one of the lucky couples who see this type of improvement, it is important that you do not move too fast and that you capitalize on the improvements that you are seeing. Here are some tips on how to best handle this situation.

Enjoy your success, but don’t take it for granted: Of course you will be thrilled that suddenly you and your spouse are hooking up and flirting again. This is much better than avoiding each other or constantly fighting while you are apart.

But as good as it may feel, make sure you realize that if you don’t make any changes to what caused your breakup in the first place, you risk the same old issues resurfacing when you try to reconcile or when you get back in.

Right now, things are probably going well because you’re only concentrating on the chemistry and improvements between you that naturally occur when you miss each other. I do not blame you. Nobody wants to dwell on their problems when things are going well. But make sure that after you reconnect, you eventually visit the issues that brought you here in the first place.

Don’t rush things and risk a relapse: Many people will see these improvements and think that this means they should get back together right away or they should hurry up and ask their spouse to move home. They don’t want to live apart from their spouse for even one more day. This is what you must remember. As good as things seem right now, you probably shouldn’t risk bringing down your house of cards by pushing too hard too soon. You have the rest of your life to live with your spouse and participate in your marriage. So make sure it’s okay before you have it again.

Because frankly right now they are likely in a honeymoon period brought on by the risk of losing each other. However, once your spouse moves out and you try to move on as a married couple, you lose that feeling of scarcity that is helping you bond right now. So you are not in a rush and you don’t want to rush things. If things are going so well between you, why not take advantage of that instead of taking a risk before being really sure? There is nothing wrong with continuing as you are, especially when you are having so much fun. Your path is likely to clear up at some point. But right now, they’re both having fun and wanting to see each other more, so why move the ship early in the game? The forbidden fruit can be much sweeter, which is why I often advise couples to try it for as long as they can, because doing so often will help a lot in their recovery.

Make sure things are as good and as clear as possible before one of you returns: Your real goal should be to set it up so that when the two of you move back in together and do so as a married couple again, you’re giving yourself the best chance of success. So don’t overlook the real problems or let your problem areas lurk. When your relationship is strong enough to withstand it, explore these issues in a positive way. Hopefully, the bonding and reconnection you’ve been making will make your problems seem much smaller, and therefore more manageable. And often when you are recovering so well, you can approach troublesome issues in a more playful and joyful way so that you can really solve them and move on forever.

I would like to make one last point. Remember that you are in a good situation. Many couples actually back down or fight more when they break up. So the fact that it isn’t is a wonderful thing and it gives you a wonderful opportunity to enjoy and savor this moment without rushing or worrying.