Admit it, you’ve lied to your parents before, one way or another. Now, you are looking for a way to break the chain, to let your son know that he is not here to scold but to understand. It is not easy to communicate effectively with a young child, teenager, or teenager.
What can you do about it? Why is it hard for a child to tell everything to her parents? Well, ask yourself that question. Why didn’t you tell your parents about your frustrations at school, getting drunk at a party until 3 in the morning and the list goes on?
Is it because you think they wouldn’t understand your situation? Or maybe there is no foundation of trust and openness? Well, you will know more in just a few minutes.
importance of communication
Communication is the ability to send and receive information. People cannot live without communication because it is a way for an individual to feel part of a group. In this case, the most important group is the family unit. Because?
The family is the first group to which a child is exposed. A unit that informs an individual about the right and wrong ways to behave while identifying one’s wants and needs. It can also be said that a family is comparable to a soccer team where the parents are the coach while the children are the players.
“Mom, I have to go to the basketball event on Friday,” Samantha said as she clasped her hands together and swallowed nervously.
In the scenario, you can identify two types of communication: verbal and non-verbal.
Verbal focuses on what you say. Samantha told her mom about an event on a Friday night, and that’s what she wants her mom to understand.
Non verbal is the action it shows. When Samantha was asking for her mom’s approval, she showed nervousness through her gestures. What does this mean? She may interpret it as her being nervous that her mother might not approve of her or that she must be hiding something.
Between these two, which one do you think is the best and effective? Studies have shown that non-verbal communication can show the real side of an individual. The verbal can be manipulated, but the non-verbal is like an indication of what a person really feels.
How to communicate effectively?
Effective communication should not be forced, it is better to flow freely without rules or limitations. There are 5 steps to effectively communicate with your children.
- make it a habit
Just like rules, it’s important to teach your child the behaviors you want him to adopt when he’s old enough. Before you act, think about whether it will be good for you in the long run.
Making a habit of sitting down and talking with your child is great practice for effective communication. How can you create this simple activity? You and your family can have dinner while telling about your day. Or maybe you have a weekly night out with your son.
- Interested
One of the reasons kids don’t tell is because they think it will bore you. Show interest by putting your phone away and looking at them with exciting curious eyes.
The perfect example is when, as soon as they get home, you can ask them how their day was. Or maybe if they tell you something, make sure you pay attention and remember it.
- stop shaming
Comparing your child to other children is not the best option. Not only are you making your child feel like they are not “good enough” for you, but you are always creating a boundary for the child to open up.
Instead of saying, “Kate can fold and fix her bed all the time, why can’t you?”. You should say, “Amanda, once you’re an adult you’ll need to make your own bed. What better way to practice than now!”
- Avoid threats
Are you the kind of parent who says, “You better not go out drinking and partying just because your curfew is 12pm! If I find out, you’ll be grounded.” Well, it is normal to warn your child, but this is not the best way to do it.
An alternative is to make your child aware of the dangers of going out unsupervised with children his age.
- help and guide
Being a parent does not mean that your only responsibility is to pay for your child’s education and needs. You should also look for ways to guide your child on the right path.
Studies have found that it is human nature to build a wall when a person feels threatened. This is especially careful when you scold your child.
What you can do is suggest ways to solve a problem. In this way, her son will not only feel that her parents care, but that he will be willing to offer her a helping hand. Even in, as little as homework or housework.
The nature of children
A child expresses himself in words and shows in action, but is often confrontational. They cover up what they really mean. Because? Parents tend to assume the worst about their children. “No! It’s too dangerous. What if…”that is why children choose to be cautious about what to tell their parents.
So why do children hide their feelings and thoughts instead of telling their parents? If you have been through this yourself, thought why did you do the same to your parents, then you should know the answer!
The child can:
Be afraid of not being able to understand.
Children may think that once they share their worries and feelings with you, what they will get is a laugh or a scolding from you. This is a sign to avoid embarrassment.
Think you know how it feels.
Some children realize that you may have been through the same dilemma. Once they tell you, you may know too much about how they feel and all they want to avoid is worrying you.
He wants to handle it alone.
There are children who want to be independent, they believe that they do not need the help of an adult. Also, to show that they are capable of choosing an “adult-like” decision.
There are four types of children:
Let go
A child who does not make a decision when there is no problem present. It’s the same as studying for an hour before an exam.
worthy competitor
Competition is what motivates the child, they love the feeling of debating or winning. These kids choose to enter contests or simply get a high score on a test.
slow learner
Those who cannot follow the developmental stages of an individual. It may take time for them to adjust, but once they do it will be easier for them. Never pressure children to learn something they are not yet capable of.
mixed
A child can be a mix of everything. Sometimes a child can be good at math but hate science.
How to create a strong bond
Building a strong bond is not done overnight. Most parents resort to domineering parenting, which makes children uncomfortable. A strong bond is present when both parent and child care to understand/consider each other’s feelings.
Five principles for a strong parent-child relationship:
acceptance
“Okay, you can start over. But this time I’ll help you learn the subject so you don’t fail the next test!” Andi’s mom exclaimed.
Accept this fact, your child is unique, comparing them to another is not applicable. Every child is capable of learning, it depends on how fast or slow it is. Some parents tell their kids, “When I was your age, I could do…” Stop making those comments.
Time
“Something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”
It is crucial to spend time with your child. Having a strong bond means being able to be with your child. Even if you are working all day, take a few minutes of your time. A strong bond will not flourish if you don’t talk to each other.
Trust
Doubting your child means that you will not give him much freedom. If he thinks he’s doing the right thing, think again. Trust is vital in any type of relationship, without it you will be restless and paranoid.
Your son is aware when you doubt him. What they are going to do is assure you and not tell everything.
Encourage
“Fear will get you nowhere, it’s better to try and fail than not to try.”
A father needs to be present at times when his son does not believe in himself. She plays the role of cheerleader, continues to motivate and reason the positive factors of failure.
physical connection
A baby needs its mother’s warmth to survive. All children need security from their parents, a simple pat or a hug is enough to make your child feel safe.
Studies have found that children who have more physical contact with their parents are more likely to have high self-esteem and pride than those who do not.